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This is what divination is for!
Seriously, there’s a reason that learning div is part of most indigenous shamanic practices. Above and beyond the fact that it is very useful for clients, it’s also useful when you have a question like that … and if you feel you aren’t objective enough to do it cleanly for your own questions, it’s good to have a network of trusted practitioners who trade divination with each other. If it were me, I’d get hold of a colleague, explain the problem, and ask them to pull some runes for me to figure out Who Is Calling.
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I make small altars (OK, some of them are large) as focal points for each “ally” – that word always feels weird because some of them might fit into that paradigm, but some are definitely bosses or teachers or parental. But an altar can be as simple as a little box with a couple of items. Once you use it often enough as a focal point to work with that Spirit (and making offerings on or in front of the altar really helps too) it eventually becomes something between a door and a cellphone number, a tiny spot for their energy to inhabit in your home that you can turn to and usually get a clear signal, given your own personal “signal clarity” at the moment. Also, a short chant or song for each one helps as well. And it shows that Spirit that you are offering it a small amount of hospitality in your home.
I feel for the ASD folks who commented on the difficulty with calming the body – one of my many medical issues is Tourette Syndrome, so being completely still is not neurologically possible for me, and I’m usually in a tense state to prevent egregious tics. Instead, I focus on rhythmic body movements and chanting while focusing, which bypasses the Tourettes, even harnesses it to the purpose.
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I am not a morning person, and I’m disabled with genetic disorders, so I don’t wake up and get out of bed easily. Given that, my morning starts with a gratitude practice. While I’m waiting for my body to be able to get out of bed, I go through at least some of the things I’m grateful for – my Gods and spirits, my wonderful partners, the beautiful piece of land I live on, etc. – in whatever order it comes into my head. That way, instead of laying there feeling cranky, I remind myself that no matter how difficult things might be, there is joy in the world and in my life. Starting this way is excellent for my mental health and I highly recommend it for those who are struggling with issues outside their control. Best thing is that one doesn’t have to remember any words, if one has periods where words are not easy to put together.
This sounds very New Age woo-woo, but hey, it works. Since my Gods and allies often make it into the list, it reminds me to use the tools I have – they are present in my life for a reason.
I should really write a book on shamanic practice for disabled people … hmmm.
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I knew that shamans in my tradition went through a terrible and very literal death-and-rebirth, because I came to the tradition after that had happened. I didn’t know that there wasn’t going to be just one but multiple times, as the Gods and spirits keep refining us. (Don’t know whether any other tradition has this issue, but mine did, and you asked what I would most have wanted to know.)
Also, I didn’t know that the Gods and spirits would continually throw me into the deep end, setting me up in circumstances I hadn’t been trained to handle, but They felt that I could figure it out, and just said, “You know what to do, even if you don’t know you know it. Stop fussing and listen.” I managed, but it was sometimes scary.
I didn’t know that I would get clients from many other traditions, including indigenous traditions, and end up having to make offerings and communicate with Gods and spirits from all sorts of ancestral traditions in order to broker deals, even if I’d never met them and had no idea Who they were. “Uh .. there’s a Mexican goddess talking to me right now … she’s sort of red and green…”
In general, I could have used more information about the Gods and spirits of my tradition, and the difficult things They may ask of us. That’s why I will never leave an apprentice without this information.
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